Journal prayer

So I guess this my written surrender. My inked amen and my poetic hallelujah.

I try to build up all the walls you already broke down. When the storm comes, my praise ceases. That when things get hard I ignore your voice and become so self loathing.

I'm learning to praise from within the storm. No matter how many times I build back up those walls, you unfailingly make them crumble to the ground every time.

When the hard season comes my head spins with the change. You're teaching me that I can find your grace in the difficult season that the winter doesn't come without the summer. And that no matter how long a season lasts you do not leave. Everything changes but you. Everyone changes but you, you are my constant.

I sometimes look in all the wrong places for your love. I search to find myself instead of searching for you and finding the true me through your eyes. I'm prone to wander, but I want to get lost in your love.

Seeking approval in other places has only came with hurt. I only want my heart to be full of you. To only know that what I do pleases your heart and all that matters is found within you.

I found grace where I least expected it. I found you in the all the places I wasn't looking. You were there with me in darkest times and the brightest. I found everything in You.

I found your fullness in the mystery. My  searching has ceased.

My inked prayer is that I seek you in every season, in every storm, in the dark and light. That I will be reminded that my home will always be within gracious, all encompassing arms.

So amen, to living.

- a.s.