I have learned

I’ve learned that some people will enter your garden just to step on all your flowers.. but I have also learned that some people will step gently into your garden and plant flowers alongside me, gently embroidering seeds into my soul.

I have learned that there are hard days when it feels like everything is pouring rain, when the storm comes sooner than expected. When the sealing cracks and you can feel the rain on your skin. When it all gets a bit too much. I have learned to dance in the storm, that sometimes when the rain won’t stop coming you have to stand in it take it in and remember you are alive. 

I’ve learned that it is okay to not to okay, it is okay to admit it. That not always when the storm is here do I have to put on a fake happy, I can sit in the rain take a deep breathe and admit today has been crap. The storm will not last forever, but it is okay to feel this through. That sometimes pain means growth. 

I have learned that when I bleed, I bleed words. My hands twitch until my hand reconnects with ink and my blood forms into something mysteriously called poetry. That my true self leaks out of my finger tips into words that don’t always make sense. That my  hands shake sometimes because I can’t always think of the words but my hands form them. I have learned that when I do not write for a long time I become overwhelmed, because I have not released my rain of ink into paper, because I have not voiced my voice into existence on paper.  

I have learned that when I write my hands press so hard onto the page that they hurt, maybe because I am feeling what I am writing. I have learned that this is me telling my story, that this is my strongest way to speak. That this is the strongest I am, with sword in hand ( I mean pen) ready to yell my existence. 

I have learned that some mistake my shyness for weakness. I have learned that I am not weak just because it sometimes takes me awhile to form what I am going to say. I have learned that I have a voice. I have learned that I am worth hearing. I’m learning that I am worth it.

I’m learning that sometimes you have to stop running from feeling. You have to go through things. Seasons do not last forever. You willget through this. You will grow through this. 

I have learned that life is crazy, that sometimes it’s rainy but sometimes it’s a orange sunset. I have learned that music makes it easier. I have learned that when you find people that love the same music as you should keep them.  

I have learned that I love adventuring and seeing all the beauty there is, I am learning to see some of that beauty in myself. 

I have learned that I love to capture moments of beauty and keep them so I do not forget. 

I have leaned that faith takes a lot of strength. I have learned to reach up to the hands that made me and ask for a hand. I have learned that Abba knows what the future holds and I have no idea, I have learned to follow Him in the mystery. I have learned I am loved. 

- A.S.