Homeseeker

There are still so many unknowns.. how so much can be taken away and yet given within the same year, how the dichotomy between the two is mind boggling. Grief and love combined. There are still so many unknowns, so much mystery left. I do not know much, but I know that my whole life I have been looking for a home, a place to call my own, but little did I know I was running away from the home you were building for me, seeking in all the wrong places, a continued vacancy. You see this whole time I thought I needed to find “home”. I had never wrapped my mind around the idea that you already had a home for me, that I did not need too merely seek, but only notice your craftmanship, to once in my life trust the process, trust the builder. This whole time you were pulling me in, leading me down the best path, but my feet stumbled down the wrong paths more than once, but with gracious hands you corrected me, led me home again. I have learned more than once that you cannot build your house on sinking sand, there are no sand castles in your kingdom. Going your own way whether you call it reckless abandon or being the prodigal daughter, does not work. But Father I am done, I am done running, stumbling and tripping trying to run from what you are building for me, running away from home. You have told me that I am not lost but found. No matter the pain, would you tear my house down? Strip away what needs to be stripped away, help me to let go of the rest. Break in me what you need to break, break me and use me, and allow my heart to rest within you. Refine me Lord, show me who you want me to be. So call this my broken hallelujah, my inked prayer, and my anxious surrender. Break down the shudders, tear down the doors, and rebuild me the way you want. Put my feet on solid foundation, Lord I am finally home.

- Love + Grow, AJC