when my chest feels heavy —

Please do not tell me to calm down or to relax, the me that I am in this moment is not able to quickly calm myself down. 

There is a deep dichotomy between my normal breathing, and my panicked exhales. When the panic emerges into a moment it feels as if a dense elephant has descended onto my chest. My dear friend, when it becomes very evident that I am panicking please remind me to breathe, I trip upon my own thoughts and forget to wholly inhale and exhale during these crucial moments.

And when my hands are trembling, please clutch onto them and hold them still, remind me that this is okay, that everything will alright, sometimes I forget, sometimes my mind tells me white lies.

During a panic attack, the ambiance of my surroundings seems as if someone turned out all the lights and I have no visual. So please, light a few candles for me, show me the illuminating light. Remind me that this will not last for eternity, that this is only a moment in time. That this dragon can be slain.

My heart feels heavy during these ticks of the clock, I can feel every quickened palpation of my heart and it makes my body shake at times, please hold me still. 

 What comforts me is that my maker declares that I am anything but standing alone, the peace that comes when I reach up and ask for aid and my heart receives calmness, it calms the storm. 

— lots of love, A.S.  

you are not alone in this friend.